There is a man (we’ll call him “Doug”). Doug and his ex wife (we’ll call her “Mary”) have a child. We’ll call the child Catherine.

Doug and Mary both love Catherine very much. Doug and Mary both want what is best for Catherine. The problem, however, is that Doug and Mary have very different views about what is best for Catherine.

Catherine, you see, is approaching her teens in full force. While Doug and Mary are fighting with each other about what school or after school programs Catherine should attend, Catherine is out doing drugs. While Doug and Mary are arguing about whether Catherine should be wearing makeup, Catherine is out having sex. While they are fighting about who “dropped the ball”, Catherine has learned that she can easily manipulate both of them to get her way, and pit one against the other.

Doug and Mary have spent a tremendous amount of time (and money) fighting in court over which of them is the better parent. In doing so, they are literally dragging each other through the mud; destroying each other’s reputation and character. Neither can see the impact this is having on Catherine. They have both determined to “win” this fight. The problem is, they have lost sight of what they are fighting for. In their effort to make each other wrong, their daughter, whom they both proclaim to love more than life itself, is “falling through the cracks”. She is the only real loser in this fight. Both Doug and Mary blame the other for Catherine’s “behavioral problems” but neither can take any action to help Catherine because to do so would take their energy and effort away from destroying the other.

While this story is not based on a single actual client or case I have worked on, it is, instead, a compilation of many clients and cases. The names, obviously, are fictional (Doug = Dad; Mary = Mom; Catherine = child), but they are also very real, representing every client in a hotly contested custody battle.

I am not for a moment stating that there should never be a fight for custody or parental issues. What I am trying to say to everyone who reads this article is this: Do not lose sight of what you are fighting for.