As a family law attorney I often hear things like “my son” or “my daughter” when one parent is referring to the children of the union. Seldom do I hear “our child” or words to that effect.
At first glance, one may say, “C’mon, it’s just a word”. While in some cases that may be true, often times it is indicative of a greater ill. The parent using that “word” truly believes that they are THE parent in the child’s life. Often this parent fails to acknowledge that the other parent had anything to do with the child and, more often than not, the child is the one to feel the pain.
This also comes up frequently in the case where the parents are trying to “massage” custodial time for one reason or another. In many cases, after the wounds have healed, the parents (even though custody orders are in place) can usually “trade time” or work out alternate schedules as suits their needs and the needs of the child/children. What happens with the “my kid” parent is that the time that he or she spends with that child becomes a possession as well. It is looked upon as an item the other parent is trying to take away rather than a period of time where the parent and child should be bonding and engaging with one another.
The “my time” parent is, as a result, far less likely to cooperate if schedules need to be changed, even if the change is to accommodate the child! This dynamic is occurring with an alarming degree of frequency. The child gets “punished” because the “my time” parent thinks the change is being requested by the other parent. The knee jerk reaction is to say “No, it’s my time” and not look beyond the request and find out WHY the request is being made. The time is for the parent AND the child to enjoy and foster their relationship.
Parents remember this: The children are not property. They are gifts. The time you spend with your children is also not property. That time is precious and fleeting. (In the words of Jeff Spicoli, “If you’re here, and I’m here, doesn’t that make it our time?)
